Hello readers! I’ve been absent from this space of mine for quite some time. But I’m back, and I plan to write about a broader variety of topics in order to stay creatively engaged in my writing practice. I’ll still occasionally write about design amongst other things I value and ponder in my day to day life. I hope you decide to stick around, and I hope you enjoy this little piece about the power of platonic love and one of my favorite bands.
Anyone who knows me knows I've been a boygenius fan since their inception. I started off as a Julien Baker fan nearly a decade ago, then discovered Lucy Dacus, and finally found my way to Phoebe Bridgers. Once the supergroup formed, I remained deeply invested in their collaboration.
Last week, their first full-length album, The Record, dropped along with The Film directed by Kristen Stewart. The Film weaves together each member's dreams, backed by different tracks from the album. The scene for the song True Blue stuck out to me upon my first watch. It features the bandmates painting an entire room with blue paint—getting messy, smearing paint on themselves, using their hands, and playing. There's a moment where they share passionate kisses, eventually retiring to the porch to giggle and take turns sharing a lollipop. The Film ends with Julien, Phoebe, and Lucy cuddling together—happy and content.
Watching these scenes made me think about how boygenius models intimacy in friendships and how they're a testament to how platonic intimacy can be a powerful force for healing, growth, and creativity.
I've practiced non-monogamy for many years, and through that practice, I have come to understand and explore relationship anarchy (or RA) and the rejection of hegemony. Before I continue, I want to clarify that I don't view my relationship practices as one-size-fits-all answers or indicative of a more evolved state of being. I'm currently learning about how white supremacy has shaped much of our collective understanding of non-monogamous practices, which has led to much disembodiment and militant individualism. The following descriptions are from my experiences as a white person. If you read this and find yourself curious to learn more, I encourage you to seek out black and brown folks discussing decolonizing these ideas and practices; I'll include some resources at the end.
At its core, relationship anarchy is about rejecting the hegemonic structures and expectations that govern many traditional relationships. It prioritizes things like autonomy, consent, and mutual respect. The rejection of hegemony is a vital part of the relationship anarchist ethos, as it allows us to break free from the imposed hierarchy of traditional relationships and invest in all connections that we find fulfilling and empowering. By embracing this philosophy, relationship anarchists can build relationships that feel more authentic and reflective of our desires and needs—whether those relationships be romantic, platonic, familial, etc.
The idea that romantic relationships should not be privileged over other types of relationships or that love and intimacy can be experienced in various ways is still seen as radical by many. If we consider how capitalism has informed our connections—making it so love and relationships can become commodified and reduced to transactions—it's no surprise why we don't see RA represented much in mainstream media circles. This current lack of representation is precisely why watching boygenius' film gave me such big feelings and impacted me to where I needed to write down these thoughts! The Film feels like such an outward, refreshing example in the media of how platonic intimacy is powerful, significant, and transformative. Additionally, from my point of view as a longtime fan, it feels like a beautiful culmination of the relationship the band has prioritized and built over the years. Through their performances, they've created a sense of musical unity that transcends the boundaries of individual egos. In interviews, they speak candidly about the importance of their friendship and how it has influenced their creative process and lives. And through their lyrics, they've made it clear how committed they are to fully holding one another in all they are.
Boygenius has invited me into a world where vulnerability, honesty, and mutual support are celebrated and cherished in ways that validate what I believe to be possible of love. A love that is kind and gentle. A love that stands strong in its sensitivity. A love that has a ripple effect, influencing others to begin dreaming a softer world into being. A love we don't have to heal from and, instead, can be an abundant source of healing.
Here are some resources on polyamory, non-monogamy and relationship anarchy from black and brown perspectives:
The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown
🎶 Volume #4
For each issue, I include three songs I’m into lately. However, for this issue, I’ll be linking to The Record by boygenius on bandcamp: